They don't make can openers like they used to. Or children.

Oh dear.

Yesterday I threw out our next to useless (only) can opener. Today an unnamed individual decided to make fishcakes but first needed to open a tin of salmon. "Use this," I instructed, handing them a penknife. "Use the pokey bit that looks like a skeletal bottle opener. Make a hole in the lid with the pointed end then continue round the tin in the same way with the other bit under the lip so you can pivot." Ten minutes later I was told, "I'm not getting very far and goodness knows how I'm going to get the salmon out through the little holes." I allowed myself the faintest of smiles as I took tin and penknife in hand and showed the individual how it's supposed to be done. Horace Horrise would be impressed. Happy days.